Ladies & Gentleman
Inspired by a regular feature in All Out Cricket magazine, every Friday (sorry it's late this week!) we give you the opportunity to look inside the mind of a Maldon CC member via our 20 Questions. This week it's the turn of the Lemonade...
Ladies & Gentleman....................Richard Howes
1 Describe yourself in one word.
Dreamy.
2 What word or phrase do you most overuse?
“I’m not having that”.
3 What is your idea of happiness?
On the beach, lying in a sun lounger with a cocktail to hand.
4 What is your biggest pet hate?
Giving way to a driver and not getting a wave, thumbs up or acknowledgment of thanks in return.
5 Which living person do you most admire and why?
The old girl - tolerating me for so long deserves a Victoria Cross.
6 What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
Captain Jack Sparrow. Looks great, can’t be too harrrrrrrrrrrd to put together and may help me find that buried treasure I’ve been searching for after all these years.
7 If you were an animal, what would you be?
A leopard – I don’t change my spots for anybody.
8 What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
Andrew Flintoff consoling Brett Lee.
9 Which 3 people would you invite to your dream dinner party?
I’d dine with James Hetfield (Metallica frontman) and Sir Steve Redgrave. I would book Sir Bruce Forsyth as an after dinner speaker, because it’s unpleasant watching old people eat.
10 Whose windows would you most like to smash?
What a ridiculous question. Why would I incriminate myself? Please see sections 1-3 of the Criminal Damage Act 1971.
11 Who would you like to play you in a film of your life?
Joe Alwyn – fresh-faced, and destined for bigger and better things – just like me.
12 What song would you have playing when walking out to bat?
Wolfmother – Joker & the Thief. The best thing to come out of Australia since Rolf Harris.
13 If you could be one other cricketer for a day, who would you be?
Shane Bond. The finest fast bowling action I have ever seen ‘live’.
14 What is the first record you bought?
Hot Chocolate – You Sexy Thing. I splashed out £2.99 in Woolworths for the CD rather than £1.99 for the cassette. Track 2 had a weird electronic remix which I always skipped, but track 3 had a cracking B-side of “Everyone’s a Winner”. God bless the late Errol Brown.
15 Who is your favourite comedian?
Sir Ken Dodd - the definition of the overly-used phrase “old school”. He is proof you can be hilarious by using the English language, not just trotting out all the swearwords.
16 What one piece of advice would you give to an U9 colt?
Get a trade. Failing that, stack shelves in Morrison’s.
17 What is your favourite cricket tea item?
Cherry Bakewell. Get two of those and hey presto, you have a set of comedy boobs.
18 Who is the biggest moaner you have ever played cricket with?
Lord Boyden of Mundon – whinges about injuries / niggles like a fifty-year-old.
19 Where would you most like to watch a test match?
Melbourne. I’ve been to the WACA twice and will be off to the ‘Gabba this winter, so the Boxing Day Test is the one to go for next. I love tradition and the Boxing Day Test is full of it.
20 What is your greatest ever performance on a cricket pitch?
Bowling former England wicketkeeper Paul Nixon with an inswinging yorker.
Next week sees the start of Overseas Month. First up..........Jamie 'Glum' Glenn
